Seeing people ask about old postings made me go back and look through some saved files to see if there were any that people might like to read. I thought people who weren't reading the group back in 1990 might enjoy reading a few ads for fictitious Twin Peaks brand products. --------------------------------------------------------------------- This one is particularly appropriate since there are TP coffee ads being shown in Japan. Hope John doesn't mind my reposting it. The author of this article is: >From jfr@tellabs.com (John Ryder) >Date: 21 Aug 90 13:18:19 GMT Well, given that "Twin Peaks" coffee is supposedly one of the merchandising goodies we'll be seeing, I humbly submit my idea for the first Twin Peaks coffee commercial: (Medium distance shot of the Martell/Packard kitchen, Josie is sitting at the counter conversing with Pete, who is scrubbing a coffee pot in the kitchen sink. It is morning and Josie is dressed in a silk kimono. Pete has his fishing gear on:) Pete:"Well, it took some hard scrubbin', but I think I've finally managed to get that fish smell out of the percolator. Would you like some coffee, Josie?" Josie:"Thank you Pete, but I'm not so sure. It usually gives me nervous breakdowns." Pete:"Well try this coffee, Josie. It's new 'Twin Peaks' brand. There's no coffee below the timberline that's finer. And it's available in Decaf, too." Josie:"Ok, Pete, if you're going to incest." (Cut to shot of a wooden table on which sits a steaming cup of "joe", a "brick bag" container of "Twin Peaks" brand coffee, the percolator, and a buck's head. Special Agent Dale Cooper is heard in voice-over: "When was the last time *you* had a damn fine cup of coffee? And *hot*? Try 'Twin Peaks' brand, from the place where a yellow light still means slow down instead of speed up." Cut back to close-in shot of Pete and Josie enjoying their brew:) Josie:"I hear what you mean Pete. This fine damn coffee." Pete:"That's because it's fresh....wrapped in plastic." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Steve Cole (steve@sep.stanford.edu, apple!sep!steve) Department of Geophysics, Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305 From steve@sep.Stanford.EDU Thu Apr 8 08:26:47 1993 From: steve@sep.Stanford.EDU (Steve Cole) Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks Subject: old posting: TP pie ad #1 Date: 5 Apr 1993 22:06:23 GMT Here is another ad, written by John Ryder, for Twin Peaks brand cherry pie. I think this was the last of John's ads, I enjoyed them both a lot. >From jfr@tellabs.com (John Ryder) >Subject: Re: Twin Peaks Coffee Ad Campaign >Date: 21 Aug 90 17:41:00 GMT Ok, so I'm on a roll. And thusly, I submit commercial the second, this one for "Twin Peaks" brand cherry pie, which revisits Agent Cooper's dream. (First shot shows our beloved Agent Cooper sleeping restlessly in his room at the Great Northern. A quick flash of light, zoom into Cooper, cut to black. Fade in from black to side shot of Agent Cooper's head. Cooper is seated in the "red curtains" room. He appears to look much older. Cut to shot of the back of the Man From Another Place, he is doing something with his hands, but we cannot see what. Fade to black. In rapid succession, we see three images flash by: Killer Bob, a freshly baked pie on the counter of the Double R, and the cherry stem that Audrey Horne tied in a knot with her tongue. Fade in from black to the One Armed Man, standing in the very dimly lit kitchen of the Double R diner. Again, he is dressed in black, but he is wearing a chef's apron and hat. He begins to speak:) OAM:"In the darkness, after dinner comes, I too am touched by the hunger for a satisfying desert. Pie with coffee. I got it at, I think you say, 'convenience store'. I mean it like it is, like it sounds. I was so hungry I took the whole pie. My name's Mike, his is Bob. (Cut to shot of Killer Bob in front of a large pie oven and other baking apparatus:) Killer Bob: "Mike!!! Can you hear me, Mike? Did you save some pie for me??!!! With my coffee and dessert fork, you may think I've gone insane, but I promise: I will eat pie...AGAIN!!!!" (Cut to shot of another pie, apparently on the floor of some darkly lit place, encircled by candles. The candles are blown out and the shot fades to black. Fade in again on The Man From another place, still doing something with his hands. He turns around and is holding a freshly baked "Twin Peaks" brand pie. He begins speaking, but his voice is oddly distored:) MFAP:"Let's eat!" (Now cut to medium shot of "red curtains" room. Cooper, MFAP, and a woman who resembles Laura Palmer are seated as they were in the original dream sequence. Cut to close-in shot of the MFAP:) MFAP:"I've got good news! That pie you like will soon be available in stores everywhere. (Motions with a nod toward Laura's look alike). She's my cousin, but doesn't her pie taste almost exactly like Laura Palmer's?" Cooper:"But this *is* Laura's pie. (then to Laura look-alike) Did you bake this pie?" Laura Look-alike:"Sometimes I feel like I know her recipes, but then my pies turn black." MFAP:"Where this pie is from, there's always muzak (sic) in the air, and the check-out girls sing a pretty song." (Jazz music starts to play in background, MFAP begins to get up and dance while holding "Twin Peaks" brand cherry pie box in his hands. Laura's look-alike gets up, walks across room, feeds Cooper a forkful of pie and whispers in his ear. Cut back to shot of Cooper's room. Cooper awakes with a start, turns on light, and phones Sheriff Truman:) Cooper:"Harry! Meet me at the Twin Peaks supermarket in the morning. I know where we can find a cherry pie that'll KILL ya! (A pause while Truman responds, but we don't hear what he says, then Cooper responds) No. It'll HAVE to wait till morning. The market's closed right now!" The end. And to think I'm wasting my time as a software support engineer. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Steve Cole (steve@sep.stanford.edu, apple!sep!steve) Department of Geophysics, Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305 From steve@sep.Stanford.EDU Thu Apr 8 08:26:50 1993 From: steve@sep.Stanford.EDU (Steve Cole) Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks Subject: old posting: TP pie ad #2 Date: 5 Apr 1993 22:08:23 GMT Inspired by John Ryder, I wrote the following ad for Twin Peaks brand cherry pies: Scene: The Double R diner. Cooper and Truman are seated in a booth. Cooper is voraciously eating a piece of pie. Norma approaches. Cooper: "Norma, two more pieces of this fantastic cherry pie." Norma: "Sure." She smiles mysteriously and turns away. Back at the counter, Norma glances over her shoulder to be sure that Cooper and Truman aren't watching. Then she takes a box out from under the counter. It is a "Twin Peaks" brand cherry pie box. Shelly approaches. Seeing the pie box, she giggles. Shelly: (smirking) "Best in the tri-counties." Norma: (giggling) "This must be where pies go when they die." Norma takes two pieces of pie and puts them on a dinner-sized plate. There is one piece left. Norma: "We're almost out. Agent Cooper eats more pie than the rest of Twin Peaks combined." Shelly: "It's ok, Leo just brought in another five hundred pies from Butte. They're out back." Norma: "Five hundred? Even with Agent Cooper, we won't be able to use up that many fast enough." Shelly: "It's ok, Norma. They stay fresh for weeks. No preservatives, but they're (doing her best to imitate Pete) 'wrapped in plastic'." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Steve Cole (steve@sep.stanford.edu, apple!sep!steve) Department of Geophysics, Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305